I’m awake, but my eyes don’t open; enclosed in the warmth of my covers as I finally open my eyes with a jolt to look at the clock. It’s six and dark outside, so I drift back to bed. Normally, I’d be up by now and jumping into my uniform so I might have gotten a good parking spot in the small as a shoebox lot that only almost ensures my car won’t get broken into that day. Here I lie with sleep in my eyes as it consumes my body because school now starts at nine.

The motorcycle horn starts to play as my eyes flicker open like when a lighter meets the crisp winter air. I sit up and feel my covers, which once resembled the comfort of a hug, slip off my body. Getting out of bed is the hardest part, and not because I don’t want to, but because what am I supposed to look forward to? Classes in which I don’t seem to learn, but pull my mind through. I push my body towards the ladder and fall to the ground.

I saunter into the kitchen and grab the holy grail cereal, Captain Crunch. I grab my phone and scroll through TikTok’s as I gobble up the cinnamon delight encompassed in my bowl. The Tik Toks dance in my brain, resembling a reality that’s normal, as my energy hits an all-time low. I get dressed in a hoodie and sweats and can’t help but acknowledge the fact that at seventeen, I let myself go. 

My hands wash my face and guide my toothbrush through my mouth. I then grab the treasured piece of technology that connects me to the homes of my classmates and teachers; my laptop. The top feels like a ton of bricks as I reluctantly push it open. I tap some keys and all of a sudden, I am in a

Zoom waiting room. At the beginning of January, I didn’t even know what a zoom meant and here I am on one every day. As time ticks down, I down glass of water after glass of water to keep myself awake and energized. The pile goes from one to another as my busy work floods my Schoology calendar and as each zoom ends I lose myself in the silence drawing me towards a dark pit of TikTok’s, Snapchat stories, and Instagram pictures. I am by myself for hours on end and the voices from the screen cannot help me to avoid the imminent silence of an empty house. The classes go by and it is suddenly three twenty again. The energy I once had around friends in March is nonexistent. 

Tears drip down my face and it is too familiar from the many breakdowns throughout the months, as my senior year festivities are held in the balance of people’s actions everywhere. Let’s just say the U.S. failed this science experiment. As I sit down at the end of the day on the couch to unwind, I realize I walked about ten feet from my “classroom” to where I am about to fall asleep. My day is as interesting as counting sheep or driving on 580 at rush hour. I grew into responsibilities and the dull hours of adulthood before I became legal. 

Hours pass as I fall into the hustle and bustle of Netflix TV shows such as Shameless, Grand Academy, and NCIS. Dreams about traveling the world and the thrills of new experiences fill my head, but on my couch, that life seems out of reach. I am seventeen going on seventy and now my body aches from the day of sedimentary work and my eyes strain at the television with a lingering headache. Hours slip by as practice appears on the horizon and the amount of screen time I used is exceeding my quota by two thousand percent from last year. 

I change into shorts and a t-shirt, propelling my body into the December air. I jump into the car with my mask in one hand and my bag in the other. For the first time today, my heart skips out of my chest and the serotonin releases in my body as my carpool picks me up with Ariana Grande’s new album “Positions” streaming through the speakers. A smile paints my face and I laugh and chat away throughout the ride to my mask-only practice across from the Pepsi factory. My body dances to the groove of music in my head and all eyes on me as my team and I make the field a canvas for the art of soccer.

The ride home is one filled with laughs as my eyes droop when I get out of the car. I stagger to the door and walk in a zombie as I hop into the shower, change into the pajamas, and end the night. I can’t fall asleep easily anymore and stay up for hours on my phone scrolling once again. Seamlessly, I drift away once again to slumber with my phone beside me and dreams without masks playing in my fragile skull.

Note: This day is my perspective of online school only and should not reflect badly on the O’Dowd Community, as I see their efforts for me and other students to learn and have myself and other seniors enjoy a great senior year.